As an Alignment Strategist helping people live and work in alignment with their Soul, I was beginning to feel like I wasn’t walking my talk. I had been feeling really out of alignment with myself for awhile. In a big way. In unexpected ways.
A few months ago, I finally started paying attention to the parts of myself that were unhappy, frustrated, sad, acting out. I had to get quiet and acknowledge their presence. I needed to give them space to be, without judgement or fixing them.This was tough because I was so used to suppressing or beating those parts into submission. But this time I just listened.
And it wasn’t easy to let the eternal whiny 4 year old inside of me have a voice. Her voice of “when do I get what I want?” (in a shrill tone, while stamping her foot) finally got her say. I stopped squashing the question and I got curious. Instead of focusing on how much the question itself annoys me, I and asked myself in every moment – “what DO I want?”.
What do I truly want? For me. Just for me. For no one else. Just me. In 41 years on the planet I never asked myself that. I tend more towards asking ‘how I can help?’ ‘What do they need?’ ‘How can I serve?’ All outwardly focussed.
Any inward questioning always revolved around my needs. Not my wants. Like I was somehow selfish if I desired more than necessary. But this time was different, the question different- ‘What do I want?’
The answers have been interesting. Scary (you know that moment where you say what you truly want followed by the panic of how do I get that? maybe it will never happen? better to not want it at all than to want and never have. Ya. That kind of scary). Some of the answers are easy. And even fun.
One answer I got loud and clear was “F@ck dressing to make yourself smaller, thinner, less visible, more appropriate, easier on the eyes for others… f@ck it! I want to wear clothes that make me feel how I want to feel. Clothes that are an expression of the inner me. Time for Soul style.”
Loud. And clear.
So these days, I have been trying to dress my Soul. It’s not always easy. Voices of “what looks best on my curvy figure’, ‘what won’t draw attention’,’ what others might think’ pop up ALL the time. I had no idea how deeply conditioned I was. And still am. But I am practicing letting my Soul lead now.
And guess what? Dressing is fun again!! I haven’t worn ripped jeans since I was a teenager. Yep. And I have never ever worn faded jeans or rolled cuffs. Never. But now adorned in my American Eagle TomGirl jeans and paired with my fave kimono and killer jewelry I am Soul satiated!
Who knew feeling Soul satiated could be so simple?
Now that I have given up my quest for a good life, or even a great life, and am aiming for a Soul satiated life, I am fuelling up and filling up in new, unexpected ways. Every day is a discovery.
What would satiate YOUR Soul today?