Selfish vs Self-Full

I am sitting in the airport bound for some mountain medicine. Colorado here I come!

Why? ‘Because it makes me come alive’.

I have been saying this as a mantra to myself every since I booked my ticket a few months ago. When I saw the retreat being led by Martha Beck and Boyd Varty – two of my greatest sources of inspiration IN THE SAME ROOM, my body started to reverberate in resonance. I needed to be in that room. I moved mountains to make it happen.

I almost didn’t make it happen. And then the consequences and cost of NOT listening to my Soul’s call became apparent. There is always a cost to not listening to your inner voice. And it’s a death walk.

And let me be honest, getting to that mantra (and on a plane) was not an easy, linear path. My mind went into high gear asking:

“Will it help your business?”Not really.

‘ Will you have anything tangible at the end to show for it?’ Um, no.

“Do you really want to be living on the street corner with your cats?” NEVER.

“Then save your money Dummy”

…. and on and on and on the inner dialogue goes. Can you relate?

Now some people may be surprised to know my brain goes through a checklist of rationalizing and justification, just like yours. There is an idea (that is often expressed to me) that because I am single, no kids and an entrepreneur, I can make decisions solely in service to whatever whim or desire surfaces. I have no one to account for! Why not put myself first?Because that is not the culture we live in.

We are indoctrinated from a very early age, especially as women, that our primary purpose is to be taking care of others, nurturing our connections and relationships, building community and doing good in the world, all the while building a worthwhile life filled with all society’s expectations of house, car, career etc etc (the list goes on).

Our culture tells us ‘WE’ are supposed to come later. Often last. We are supposed to get all we need from giving. Giving is better than receiving. And if we come first, well it must be for some ‘productive’ purpose. We must be doing it to achieve something.

Otherwise we are deemed selfish or self-centered.

I now like to consider it ‘self-full’.

And the whole point of being ‘self-full’ is to be connected to myself, centered, and filled to the brim (and even over flowing) so that there is ‘me’ to offer the world. So that I can show up for others. Becoming alive and self-full requires that I show up for myself first. Because it makes me come alive. And that is reason enough.

And yet, I still feel awkward at this. And that’s okay.

I choose to be awkward and alive. And I know that’s what the world needs more of. People who are alive. Livened by their Soul, their desires, their dreams, their hopes and their passion.

So, what makes you come alive?

Go do that.

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